Blur.... !!!

After a long time of resting and thinking in the reading area of the library, I was wondering whether I accepted the job is good or bad? Who can give me an answer. When he asked me to take the job, firstly, I was happy because I have a job to do at least. At the same time, I was thinking it is a burden to take it, although it is fun, but it still a heavy huge stone step on your body. Then I decided to rejected his offer. When I looked into his eye, he had some attarction and some obsess with his offer, it is hard to reject someone sometimes in some situation. Hard to open my mouth, thus, I just knocked my head to admit I want the job. It was fun honestly, I did not lie. Is true! The job offer is fun, I was happy. After all, I leave the hall when he proposed his offer to me to library. On the way to library until I sat on the sofa, I keep wondering and thinking!!! My head is spinning, a lots of question marks, even duckling also. Am I right to took his offer?! Am I so fast to accept it? Should I take more time to consider it?! I don't know. I am blur. Everything in my mind is a knot now. Hard to untie all the rope *me neuron fibers. Did someone really can help me? I don't lost the time with my friends during the dinner?! Can I accompany them more please?! If given a chance I would refuse the offer. Now is too late, I think so. It is hard to reject and off somebody. I had off him once, and that time he is not in a good mood for almost one week at least. Haiz... Someone please help me!!!

These few week and days so busy on ASS!!! Mony more assessment ahead so suffer. Every week have to study. So tired and stress. Someone please teach me some to reduce stress jek?! hahaha... For instance today's ass, is the shittiest assessment ever. Makes me wonder tomorrow ass would be how? Hopefully,is better than todays ass la...

These few day, don't what makes me feel so anger and annoying to the environment factor. may be hormone imbalance or may be bleeding period is coming. Feel like can't stand all the situation. Really sorry if I have done any unlike to you, really sorry! I apologize. Sorry!!!

Last but not least, Mc goh trip is back. A trip to Bangkok, Thailand. In fact, if this trip is offer last semester, I will go. But now I feel so frustrated and struggle in the middle of the ocean, whether go or not. He needs the answer by this saturday, I have a 50-50 to go. This time nothing much to take my attention to go for compare to last semester. Blur!!! I want go or not??!!! Please!!!! So tired!!!

Now alone in library, in front of the dekstop, very queit computer room, only my typing sound and playing the plock in the same time. So KX... My mind now is blank, a clear A4 paper, a new one. When I bend my head up, no one is in computer room, no one!!! except me and a stranger. She is playing facebook too. Mee three.

*.*

Nothing else I can do...

Haiz..... * very emo, depress... A big one means .... Big lah...
Recently, i went to genting. about one week ago, with all my friends *course mate.
In fact, not all of them. just a few who are more closer. We played, ate, and even sang. Really fun. And one more thing i did is SHOP! I bought a bag. With RM 200++, I bought it. I cant even imagine why I bought it. I haven't bought such expensive bag. No regret, coz i love it so much... A green ADDIDAS sliding cylindrical bag. It is some sort like shopping bag and travel bag. It can changes it shape as you like... No regret as i say so.
One more thing was very stupid which had done by them, in fact, I was one of them too... We tried to make us look older, in order to get into casino... OMG!!! Most of people tried to make them looks younger but now we tried to make us look older. Cant accept it! but still have to take this reality. After make-upping, we tried to get in to the casino. Most of us failed to get in, they look upset, they tried and tried using front entrance and back entrance, using superior entrance, inferior entrance, apex and base entrance but still zero. The security guard or something checked their IC card, one word * UNDERAGE* and being kicj out from the entrance. * Imagine a ball is kicked and flew along. Sad and painful for being rejected!!! In fact, this is a good thing and a great sign, you were blocked because you looks young. No matter how we pretend we are still young friend! This is reality. YOUNG & YOUTH!!! haha....

Now I am sitting infront of this laptop to blog. Beside doing this I read my books and handout. My life has gone, no target, no direction. I feel like i am floating in this air, my plantar surface of my foot unable to touch the surface of the floor. Lack of energy.
Finally, I know how a person feel when he loss his direction. I more like a string-snap kite, floating and flying along the wind. The wind blow from west to east, then i go west to east. the wind stops, I stop my footstep. So tired. Lately, I skip a lot of classes, same as many people. I don't have to mood to go for a class. I feel so boring in my life suddenly, back from Genting Highland. So lonely, even though many people are around me. In fact, I want a long peace rest period. I want to rest, out from this stressful lifestyle and live in peaceful countryside.
At the moment, nothing else i can do, beside study, eat and pending for raya holiday. Everyday were in moodless, not moody or no mood. Is totally gone. * feel like my soul is gone to somewhere else... haha... Ya, I also online surfing internet, but WTF!!!! I hate and dread the wireless network. Keep disconnected, and some kind of busy network of the system, cause internet slow and jam.

Sometimes, I keep started to plan for my precious holiday. Where will I going? What should I do in ____? With who? What is my budget? A lots of questions come across my mind. HAHAHAAHAHA.... Stupid question you might think. In fact, All of this is stupid.

Studying?! Ya, I am study in the same time and blog in the same time. All over the body, i hate my head and neck. * do not recognize CNS yet, so at the moment is head and neck.* A head and a neck have many many part, many many triangle, many many muscle, many many nerve, many many blood vessels, many many bones and many many hair.

Nothing else I can do. What can I do now? Study, eat, sing, online, and skip class. HAHAHAHA... Really tired these few day, really suffer a lot.

Waiting towards my RAYA holiday... don't you? lets wait together. HAHAHA!!!

FUZZY...

Sometimes, really hate myself...
between I keep asking myself to love myself...
So, I don't know what should I do now???
I am very fuzzy... and exhausted!!!

Just now, I saw a phone** model SAMSUNG STAR...
then I have the feeling to buy it...
But I know I cant... haiz...
In fact, My SE phone really have some little problem.
But, it doesn't mean I have the right to buy a new cellphone...
In my mind, I kkep dream I own a phone....

Basically, it is touch screen with wifi network system, 3.2 megapixel camera.
while it do not have 3G...
See, so cool...


Although the function have a bit defect but I still love it...
As it is so cool and awesome... I wish to have this kind of since i was young young and young.
Not everyday is Sunday... of coz it have his major defect, that is the colour...
this model with wifi network function only have pink in colour... no others...
Sometimes, I think i can take it if i took the pink one, meanwhile, I do not sure whether is true or not...
Very FUZZY!!!!

The guy offer a very best deal compare to the market value, and he said he gift us a lots. after compare to 4-5 shop lots, the guy really offer the beat deal.... and this is a promotion before RAYA....
FUZZY FUZZY!!!!

Actually, there have black in colour but this model do not have wifi network function...
Again so FUZZY!!!!
Why don't a thing comes in perfect???
Why there must have some place which is not satisfactory???
Instead of the pink one, I like the black one...
Instead of the non wifi, I prefer the wifi one...

Lets compare....


pink samsung star


OR

black samsung star...????even though ones is very close to you but it is hard to open your(my) golden mouth to seek for a hand...
VERY VERY FUZZY!!!
Hard to say to my papa...
Hard to say to my mama...
scare being kill...
but, my phone is hampir broken down, is no point if they not let me to buy a brand new 1...
when i look and talk to my parents, I cant say it as they work hard. And i spend it for nothing, just for my own entertainment...
I heart feel sad...
So I should grow up!!!
Talk to my papa directly or indirectly.
or, consider for another one week la...

:-(